Transitions

My sport is triathlon, which means that I swim, bike and run. For an Olympic distance race I’m in the water for about 25 minutes, on the bike for just over an hour, and then I run for about 40 minutes. For a half-ironman,  the swim is a little longer, but the bike and run are more than twice as far, with the race totalling 70.3 miles. I train year round to maintain my fitness and, hopefully, improve each year. What most people don’t think about is that the races also include the transition from one discipline to the next. As an athlete I not only train each event, but I also practice transitioning from the swim to the bike and from the bike to the run. Even so, putting socks on wet feet and trying to run and jump on a bike is definitely awkward, and I have never looked clumsier than when I fall over trying to remove a wetsuit as fast as possible.

My point is that even though I practice transitions in my sport regularly, it is still difficult to do it with poise and composure. Just over a week ago I competed in my first race of this season, the Mooseman 70.3 half-ironman in Bristol, New Hampshire. On race morning it was 41 degrees as I went through body marking and prepared my gear for the race. The water temperature in Newfound Lake was about 60 degrees, which is cold even in a wet suit. As I finished the swim my feet were numb and, most likely, my brain was too. I took twice as long as normal to get my wetsuit off, put on my bike gear, and wrestle to pull arm warmers onto damp arms. The extra couple minutes that I spent in the swim to bike transition translated into finishing 8th instead of 6th in my division at the end of the race.

Transitions in real life tend to be even more problematic as they usually surprise us, the consequences are of much greater import, and frankly, most of us don’t do drills to improve our ability to cope. Life transitions are stressful because of their ambiguity - we don’t see them coming and we don’t know what the outcome is going to be……very often they also involve some kind of loss or grief, and that adds another dimension to the situation.

I went through such a transition earlier this year when my three year relationship ended unexpectedly. The woman I was living with and whom I loved very much seemed to be withdrawing more and more from our relationship. It wasn’t clear why and she wouldn’t talk about it. On the outside we were still friends, lovers, and partners.  However each passing month I felt as though our connection was weakening and that our interactions were increasingly superficial.  I tried to take up the slack and worked harder and harder to make our life good, but she that effort didn't seem to make much difference. She had two young kids and I had been living with them for a couple of years, perhaps she just didn't have enough love inside to give to her kids and to me. Nothing was bad, but things weren’t right either and not being able to talk about it left me feeling isolated and unloved. Eventually I moved out in an attempt to force the issue (bad idea, by the way), she broke off the relationship, we never did talk about why, and I was left to move on, to transition.

It was hard and it really hurt. The pain and suffering of my longest races is done in about 5 hours and maybe I'm sore for a few days after.  When my relationship ended my sense of loss and failure hung on so much longer. I feel like I’m through the dark times now, but I think it’s important to thank my friends and daughters who supported me during that transition (and who cheered for me at Mooseman!). I also think it’s important to recognize that transitions are hard on our hearts and our bodies and our minds. We need to be good to ourselves as we go through the motions. For me that meant lots of time with friends, regular massages, daily affirmations, and lots of sleep.

My sport helps keep me grounded and focused on the moment at hand, as well as on the future. One of the keys to success in any sport is visualization…..you have to see the outcome you desire and the motions required to achieve that outcome. Life transitions, while so much harder and more complicated, still benefit from focusing on the future, from believing that, as a good friend said to me not long ago, this too shall pass. Today, with that in mind, I am looking forward to a future that once again includes a committed relationship.....one characterized by gentleness, openess, love, caring, friendship and romance.

That's a transition I can't wait to make.