Food for Thought - Part 2

In Part 1 of this post, I discussed what the Ancestral Diet is and how I came to incorporate it into my life.  In Part 2, I will provide additional insight into what the diet means to me in practice, how I modify my food intake during and after my athletic endeavors, and what things I am experimenting with in terms of health and nutrition.

First, a brief recap from Part 1.  The ancestral diet means eating in a manner that is congruent with the way our pre-industrial revolution, pre-agricultural revolution forbearers ate. In very simple terms this means no processed foods, including grains and legumes, as well as no dairy, no high fructose corn syrup, and meat protein from sources that are either wild or at least eat foods natural to them.

I know what you’re thinking, it sounds pretty restrictive.  In modern society we have come to accept that grain foods should be a staple, that they always have been, but the reality is that only for a relatively short portion of human history have we had breads and bagels, oatmeal, rice, noodles, and corn, as well all the other wonderful baked goods available to us.  I can’t say how much I miss having a chocolate croissant with my morning espresso following a good workout.  Nevertheless, despite the idea of the food pyramid that’s been the prevalent guide to nutrition for our generation, and despite the emphasis on low-fat, high-carb diets for athletes in the 1980s and 90s, for the vast amount of human history, the diet was simpler, had a different macro-nutrient balance than we eat today, and did not include many of the items in our modern diet, and most especially, did not include grains.

Is eating like our ancestors difficult? Imagine that it’s Saturday in the summertime and you’re grilling on the back deck.  You’re fixing barbecued chicken, or London broil, or maybe salmon.  You’re going to accompany it with grilled sweet potatoes, and a green salad.  That’s a paleo meal!  Or, suppose it’s January in Vermont and you want a hearty meal to warm your frozen body and soul.  So you make beef stew with carrots, turnips, potatoes, onions, asparagus, grass fed top round, beef broth, and some spices.  This could have been in our ancestor’s dinner bowl. 



Grilled Albacore Tuna and spaghetti squash with marinara sauce, plus a salad with mesclun greens, avocado, dried cranberries, walnuts, and rasberry vingarette dressing

The reality is that if you roast, grill, saute, bake, stew, or boil meats as the protein part of any meal, then you are eating in a manner similar to our pre-agricultural predecessors.  Add vegetables, fruits, or nuts to the meal and you’re all the way there.  Leave the biscuits off the stew meal, skip the corn with the grilled dinner, eat stir fry or curry without the rice, and it’s easy to adapt what you already eat so that it’s paleo.

In Western society we typically eat a diet consisting calorically of about 15% protein, 35% fat, and 50% carbohydrates.  Our ancestors ate calorically more on the order of 25-30% protein, 30-35% fat, and about 40% carbohydrates. The first obvious observation is that our ancestors’ protein intake was roughly twice what modern averages are, and that we make up the difference by eating more carbohydrates.  A more subtle finding is that proteins and fats cause higher satiety responses in our bodies than carbohydrates.  

While those findings in and of themselves may be significant, the coup de grace not evident from the numbers alone is the fundamental difference in the composition of the carbohydrates.  In the era before the agricultural revolution, the majority of carbohydrates were derived from fresh fruits and vegetables together with roots and tubers, and very little were derived from cereal grains or refined carbohydrates high on the glycemic index (in other words, highly processed grains, sucrose and fructose). There is increasing evidence that carbohydrates, especially the refined carbohydrates that dominate the modern diet, play important roles in the onset and progression of metabolic diseases, such as type 2 diabetes and coronary heart disease.

Practically speaking, this means that meals should be built around the protein and fat components, with less emphasis and content on the carbohydrates.  In all cases you’re looking for foods that are not processed or have only minimal processing.  I believe that my protein sources optimally should be wild, but as this is difficult to find except for sea food, I focus on finding pastured, grass fed, free range proteins and I place a huge premium on locally raised products so I know the source and I am assured that the butchering and packaging is effectively a small batch process.  I do my best to avoid proteins that come from unknown sources, that have been given growth hormones, raised in a confined setting, or given food that is not natural for that species. 

Today is Tuesday, which is taco night in my household.  Let me use today as a typical day in my life and tell you what I will be eating through my day, including the nutrition taken in during exercise.  I start my day at 4:45 AM and am on my bike by 5 to ride for 1.5 hours.  During this time I take in an energy and electrolyte drink to partially replace what I lose during the session.  Of late I have been favoring coconut water with a little drink mix additive. I follow the bike workout with a 20 minute run and immediately upon finishing I take in a recovery drink consisting of 1 part protein to 4 parts carbohydrate, 16 to 20 ounces.  My preference is a shake containing apple juice, sour cherry juice, frozen berries and peaches, and a scoop of whey protein.  I then pack my food to take to work, which consists of breakfast, lunch, and snacks.

Breakfast today is a hardboiled egg, a banana, a serving of mixed fruit as pineapple, honeydew melon, and strawberries, and a coconut milk yogurt.  For a mid-morning snack I have celery and carrot sticks, which I dip in almond butter.  A little later I eat an apple. 

For lunch I have brought something from the buffet at the grocery store where I shop, Healthy Living in South Burlington.  It consists of herb rubbed chicken wings, a few roasted fingerling potatoes, and sautéed broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower.  I wash this down by drinking green tea sweetened slightly with unprocessed crystallized bee honey.  I have another banana for dessert. Often I bring leftovers from previous dinners for lunch, or homemade tuna salad using olive oil rather than mayonnaise.

My afternoon snacks are an orange, a fruit and nut bar, a pear, a kiwi, and a small handful of raw walnuts and almonds, maybe another apple.  I drink tea and honey, as well as water, whenever I feel like it.

Dinner is tacos, which are easy, fun, and delicious.  I grew up eating them with corn or flour tortillas, but now I use lettuce instead of a tortilla and I enjoy them just as much.  I indulge in a margarita with my tacos, which remains one of the non-paleo highlights of my week.  I am also fond of espresso and red wine (not usually together) and chocolate, none of which our ancestors ate…..but, I am a modern man and I do not fret about having these treats occasionally and in small quantities.

The tacos consist of grass fed ground beef cooked with onions and spices.  I chop tomatoes, cilantro, green onions, and habanero peppers to put on top, along with other veggies that vary according to season and taste.  I almost always also include avocado or guacamole.  

Paleo Taco
Grass fed ground beef on romaine lettuce, topped by a slice of avocado and fresh tomato, cilantro, green onion and habanero pepper salsa fresca

Dessert is a square or two of good chocolate, or some sorbet.  In either case these do not include high fructose corn syrup and moderation is the key.

I don’t take any supplements, however, I occasionally use a probiotic and I have at times taken fish oil.  More recently I have simply been trying to eat fish more regularly.

Do I cheat? Yes, I do.  My theory is that I can eat almost anything once in a while and it will not make a difference in the long run.  Every so often I have a burger with a bun, or lasagna at a friend’s house, or a cupcake for dessert.  I don’t consider grains, or dairy, or fermented foods to be bad, I just don’t think they should be staples in our diets.

Do I measure, record, and balance my caloric intake? No.  I don’t have the time and I don’t think there are any magic numbers.  I train in excess of 14 hours per week for triathlon, meaning at least 2 hours a day on average.  If I am losing weight or my fatigue is rising when I don’t think it should, then I consider nutrition and whether something in that equation needs to be changed.  Obviously I could be much more exact about it, but I don’t find it necessary.

I have been re-evaluating fats and fat intake this year.  I became an adult at a time when we were encouraged to eat a very low fat diet, especially if we were athletes.  It is still hard for me to escape from what was pounded into me for so many years, that fat is bad.  For a long time as a 30 and 40 something, I eschewed avocados, coconut, nuts and seeds, and fattier meats because I thought they would make me fat, raise my cholesterol, slow me down. 

Over the last 12 months I have steadily increased my fat intake, focusing on natural fats like coconut oil, olive oil, avocado, walnuts, almonds, fish, and small amounts of dark poultry, pork, and beef.  Not only have I not gained weight, I have actually lost weight, feel better during and after workouts, and my cholesterol panel at my annual physical was the best it has been in years.  This is anecdotal, not scientific, but I believe that even though I have been eating the ancestral way for several years, nevertheless, I was still a product of the low fat brainwashing.  By increasing natural, healthy fats in my daily food intake, I believe I have achieved a better nutritional balance.

And at the end of the day, I think that should be our long term goal, more informed, better balanced nutrition that recognizes and leverages our genetic evolution.

Resources:

http://www.thepaleodiet.com/

The Paleo Diet for Athletes, Louis Cordain and Joe Friel

The Paleo Solution, Robb Wolf

Voices

When I was a child I remember playing outside in the California sun, the blue sky above me, jumping in the cool waters of our pool, running on the grass, climbing every tree, each day an adventure to me.  I don’t recall any voice but my own inside my head.

As a young man I was angry inside.  My dad’s voice echoed in my thoughts and I resented the intrusion.  It motivated me and I was successful in everything I attempted, driven by my worry and frustration that I wasn’t living up to the unreasonable expectations of an emotionally distant, alcoholic man.

I married young to a fragile woman with compulsive tendencies.  I didn’t see this at the time, I only saw her beauty.  We had two perfect daughters and my wife became an addict, our lives and marriage undermined by substances and psychosis.  My dad’s voice faded, only to be replaced by hysterics, recriminations, self doubt. 

Married for 10 years, it took nearly that again before my thoughts were no longer permeated by her words and deeds, until the only voice in my head was my own. By then I was a mature man with a moderately successful career, grown and accomplished daughters, connected to my body and emotions, but alone, no partner to share life with.

Today I lie in the meadow on a warm April day in Northern Vermont.  I stare at the blue sky dotted with puffy clouds and think about the woman I met almost exactly four years ago.  There are the first butterflies and bumblebees of the season flitting among the tall grass on which I’ve flopped and I remember walking in this place with her last Fall, freeing the milk weed to fly on the autumn breeze. 

We fell in love, our passion burning bright as the sun in the West today descending toward the waiting peaks of the Adirondack Mountains. We dated and then we lived together, building a life, working toward our future.  She called me her husband, told me she was my wife. Stirred by her fervor I shopped for wedding rings by her side and we planned the when and the where of our marriage. 

And then, a few short months later, it was over.  As quickly as it had come her ardor faded away, the romance was forgotten, our friendship terminated.  I was left to ponder how for some of us, relationships hold such value and entail so much commitment, while for others they are more akin to clothing, treasured when new, neatly folded and left for the Salvation Army with nary a goodbye or second thought once the novelty is gone.

Vermont is a lovely place, beautiful, alive, serene.  But it can also be a lonely place, inhospitably cold, isolating. I enjoy the afternoon sun on my back, the slow tidal-like movement of the clouds in the sky, the sounds of the children in the nearby park as they run and play, as I did when I was young. 

But I am young no more and I don’t know if I can fall in love again, if I will be able to trust once more.  I am hurting and conversations with her wind through my head, memories of our times together, the places that we went, the things we said to one another.  They are still as real inside me as the white blossoms fluttering on the tree nearby.  I was not lovable, acceptable enough for her, I don’t even know why. 

Though my heart is broken, I am grateful to her for our time together and relieved that this time at least, the only voice in my head is that of my own grief and I know that in time it will fade, it will be quiet in there, hopefully like it was when I was a child.

Perseverance

Not too long ago I wrote about intensity as it relates to pacing in triathlons and sustainable intimacy in the context of relationships.  The weather was nice this last weekend and I went over to Lake Placid, New York to ride the Ironman course so that I know what to expect for my race there in July.  As I rode past the Olympic Ski Jumps and headed out toward Pitchoff, which is the end of the first climb, I was thinking about pacing, what the right level of effort would be to sustain me through the workout.  I tried to ride with a relatively high cadence, not pushing too hard on the pedals, saving my legs for the harder efforts to come.  I carried a map with me so I knew where to turn.  However, I soon discovered that the map did not really tell me what was coming, and despite educated expectations, there were surprises for me on Saturday's ride.

I was cruising nicely out to about mile 30, which is where there's a turnaround on a 6 mile out-and-back leg of the course that runs into the town of Ausable Forks, New York.  Upon making the turnaround I found myself riding into a stiff headwind.  The sun had retreated behind some clouds and the day didn't seem quite so nice.  I then made the right hand turn toward Wilmington and found myself on a long steady climb, which brought me to the base of Whiteface Mountain and the start of an even longer, steeper 10 mile climb back to Lake Placid. 

I put my head down and just kept riding.  My mind started telling me I should take a break, get off the bike for a rest. I was supposed to ride four hours, which I knew would be one 56 mile loop on the course and then at least another 30 to 40 minutes into a second loop.  On that long climb up the canyon, the river along side me going with gravity instead of fighting it like me, with the wind gusting, and my arms getting chilled, I started to second guess myself.  My legs were burning and getting tired, my neck hurt, and, quite frankly, the rough and bumpy road was taking a toll on my crotch.  My mind suggested that stopping after completing one loop would be enough, especially since I was fighting off a cold.  And to be honest, I was beginning to question my sanity in signing up for the Ironman at all.  How was I going to run a marathon after such a monstrous climb, which on race day I had to accomplish twice before ever donning my running shoes?

In relationships, as with triathlons, we often know what the course looks like, but that doesn't mean we know what surprises, issues, and challenges we will encounter along the way.  Nor does having an idea about the path to be followed give us any clues about how we will feel as we make that journey with a partner.  All relationships go through tough times and it is human nature to doubt ourselves and our situation when we are challenged.  I believe that at these times we have choices to make about whether we get through it together......or not.

To be clear, I am not talking about relationships with abuse, or where one of the people involved is having an affair, is addicted to drugs, or has a gambling problem.  These are major issues and are what I would consider to be show stoppers, akin to being hit by a car and breaking a leg.  There's no choice but to stop and try to figure out what needs to be done from a health and safety perspective. 

When I talk about working through things together, I mean working through the issues that arise between two people who are trying to get through the daily grind of working, caring for kids, keeping a home, managing a budget, and the myriad of other glamorous things that fill our modern lives.  It is inevitable that there will be times of disagreement, days where we are annoyed by the habits of our significant other, where we snap at each other, or have confrontations about how or what to do.  We may be tired of putting into the relationship and feeling like not enough comes back, or perhaps our expectations for the relationship are just different than the reality. 

Whatever the case, we begin to wonder about the relationship, doubts about whether we're right for each other may plague us.  In some cases these doubts may even lead someone to end the relationship.  Every situation is different, but my point in this post is that if two people are together and the problems are not on the list of major issues, then it can be presumed that they love and care for each other.  Daily life and misplaced expectations have a way of wearing us down and masking the warmer feelings we have for each other.  This can make us doubt our relationship in much the way the bumps in the road, the pitch of the climb, the strength of the wind have a way of testing my commitment on a Saturday ride in the Adirondacks. 

Sustainable pace is an important aspect in triathlon and in relationships, I really believe that.  But going at the right pace is only part of the battle.  There will be times when the going gets tough and at these junctures, you need determination to push through.  If both people in a relationship can find a way to trust in their love for one another to persevere, then they can work through the hard times together.  When they succeed at this they build a shared memory of overcoming an obstacle, of facing down discomfort in their interactions, of pressing through pain as a couple, and these experiences become points of referral that help sustain the couple through the next difficult time.

I didn't give up on my ride.  I kept going and I made it to Lake Placid, then I continued beyond as planned, returned to the village and went for a run around Mirror Lake.  I covered 70 miles on the bike and another 3 on foot.  I persevered and I am glad I did because each time I do that I build my confidence, both in my abilities and in my resolve. 

I don't believe that people are made for each other.  I think that if two individuals form a relationship and make the decision to build a life together, then they are right enough.  Once they reach that point, commitment and determination are required to sustain the relationship and to work through the hard times.  Relationships are not easy, not always fun, they take work, communication, patience, and acceptance.  Learning to go at the right pace and having the confidence to overcome doubts is the only way to get to the finish line, whether in love or in sport.

Food for Thought - Part 1

In Part 1 of this two part post I will give a little background on how it is I came to eat the way that I do.  Part 2 will focus more on what I eat and some of the practical aspects related to my diet.

Part 1

I have been asked a lot recently about my food choices.  This may be in part because my daughter Nicole is in Medical School at the University of Vermont and brings home friends from school, all of whom want to talk about health, disease, and the role that diet may play in causation or prevention.  It may also result from my trying to be more social, which provides more opportunity to share meals with others, and thus opens the door to such discussions.

In any case, I eat what is most commonly referred to as a Paleo Diet.  I prefer to call it the Ancestral Diet as I feel this is a better way to describe it.  If you don't believe in evolution and its related corollaries, then I can save you some time here - you should stop reading now as one has to buy into the foundational concepts in order to even discuss objectively anything I might advocate.

In essence the theory is that humans evolved over thousands of generations and that in so doing the human body adapted to optimize the readily consumable, macro-nutrient dense food sources that nature provided.  Our distant ancestors didn't shop for processed food, didn't add sugar (or high fructose corn syrup) to their drinks, and didn't fatten their protein sources to obesity prior to eating them. 

A common counter-argument to studying what our ancestors ate and then trying to eat that way too is that our ancestors weren't very healthy, that they didn't on average live very long.  There is a wealth of anthropological evidence to the contrary and if you do your homework it is quite evident that our ancestors were exceedingly healthy and did not suffer from many of the most common ailments and diseases that plague modern society.  To be sure, they lived primarily outdoors with only rudimentary shelter, they didn't have the benefit of modern medicine, so no antibiotics or other miraculous treatments for sickness and injury, they had to deal with some very nasty predators, and much of their primary protein sources were inherently dangerous to pursue and bring down given the tools at their disposal.  Suffice it to say that life was strenuous and fraught with hazards, such that the average life span was relatively low.  Nevertheless, for those that survived to old age, the archaeological record shows that they were remarkably healthy individuals when compared to their agriculture-fed descendants.

I came to eat the way I do via a convoluted path of suggestion from certain quarters at approximately a time in my life when several health issues presented themselves and my triathlon performance was no longer improving despite hard work and increasing experience.  My health symptoms were high cholesterol, joint pain, skin issues, temperature regulation, chronic fatigue, a plethora of allergies, and frequent lower GI discomfort.  It turned out that I was hypothyroid, which explained some of the problems, but not all of them.  The doctors never established the cause of my hypothyroidism, as it doesn't run in my family (high cholesterol does, but without any associated cardiovascular disease).

I started taking synthroid and that led to marked improvement in my health and disposition.  However, I also did some research into the Paleo Diet and made the decision to give it a try as well.  I bought the Paleo Diet for Athletes book by Louis Cordain and Joe Friel, and tried to follow its recommendations for eating an ancestral diet with modifications to meet the nutritional needs of a competitive modern triathlete.  My triathlon results begin to improve, my overall health was better, and I had less issues, especially in my gut and with my skin.  Subsequent testing has shown marked improvement in my cholesterol panel year over year, and this year my daily synthroid dose was actually reduced.  I have never felt, looked, or performed better in my life than at present.  Age is having an effect, but not to the degree that I had always feared it would.

So when I say I eat an ancestral diet, what does that look like? 

First of all, it means that I don't eat the following on a regular basis or as a major component in any meal:

1. Grains - all grains that humans consume are essentially grass seeds.  In their natural form they are inedible and contain proteins designed to irritate the intestinal tract of any animals that consume them.  Humans make grains edible by processing them, but often the harmful proteins remain and can cause mild to severe irritation and inflammation in our bodies when consumed regularly over the long term.  In terms of satiety, grains are also less effective than proteins and fats, so we tend to consume more of them, whether we need the calories or not. Finally, in terms of nutrient density grains are a poor substitute for unprocessed meats, vegetables, fruits, and nuts;

2. Dairy - At one time all humans were likely lactose intolerant, and milk, while naturally occurring in many species, was not harvested and consumed by humans as an independent food source until modern times.  Many of us remain sensitive to dairy products both in our intestines and in terms of how our body responds to dairy intake, most notably in terms of insulin response and pH balance.  I consume dairy only occasionally and in very small quantity;

3. Processed foods - If it takes processing to make the food edible, then it probably isn't good for us, or at least not as good as what nature has provided.  I do use energy drinks, gels, and bars to fuel myself during long workouts and races.  However, for all other times I try to stick to foods with minimal or no processing;

4. Anything with high fructose corn syrup - HFCS is a modern product of the industrial revolution.  It is widely used in the food industry because it is cheaper to use than natural sweeteners.  It also turns out that our bodies process fructose differently than other sugar sources and the net result of what goes on in our livers is not good for us.  If you think modern American society suffers from an obesity problem, HFCS is one of the leading reasons why;

5. Anything with preservatives or other chemical additives - Our food should come to us as harvested. I don't have anything additional to say on this subject;

6. Meats that were raised on foods not natural to them - This is a big deal to me and represents a big change in what food I buy, where I buy it, and how much I pay.  The logic goes something like this: if I am going to eat foods that are natural sources of nutrition for me because I believe that is what my body has evolved to optimally utilize, then this food that I consume will most likely be healthier for me if it also consumes what is natural for it.  Again, the food industry makes more money if they can use hormones and unnatural foods such as corn and grains to raise huge, obese, barely able to stand or run or swim animals because they sell by weight.  Bigger, heavier animals mean more money.  Unfortunately it does not mean healthier food sources for the consumer, and in fact may mean that we get decidedly unbalanced nutrition from such sources.

I'll talk more about what I do eat as well as tell you what I'm focusing on or experimenting with in Part 2.

Quotes

A few things I've heard or read this week that resonated with me or that have given me pause to think, to feel, to wonder, to be inspired:

1. Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.  It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections - Unknown

2. Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives - C.S. Lewis

3. The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall - Nelson Mandela

4. Age is whatever you think it is.  You are as old as you think you are - Muhammad Ali

5. Don't count the days, make the days count - Muhammad Ali

6. Every heart sings a song incomplete, until another heart whispers back - Plato

Intensity

In endurance sports such as triathlon, the objective is to go as fast as possible for as long as possible.  This means learning what your limits are and racing just enough below those limits to be able to sustain your effort for the duration of the event.  The longer the period of performance, the lower should be the intensity of your output in order to go the distance. 

I spend most of my time in training doing workouts that are endurance based with relatively low intensity.  However, every week my coach also has me do some intensity efforts in order to keep me sharp, to prepare for any short bursts of speed necessary in a race, and to add a little spice to my training regimen. I have been considering intensity as it relates to relationships as well, and I think there are some analogies that can be drawn between endurance efforts and long term relationships.

My most recent relationship lasted about 4 years and it started out very magically.  This woman and I connected immediately on many levels, and those connections were intense, from our first date where we talked for a long time and started to get to know each other, to the first time I touched the skin of her back at Shelburne Beach where our first picnic together under a cool and cloudy sky somehow drew us toward each other, to our first kiss that caused my heart to stop beating and left me wanting more, to the first time we made love after an evening of food, wine, and jazz............a combination that became one of the major motifs in our lives.  Over time we became good friends and eventually partners living together. 

I took my time falling in love with her and for me it was a sustained free fall, like going over a huge waterfall, plunging downward with your stomach rising inside you, or akin to jumping out of an airplane and soaring until you reach terminal velocity, then continuing to fall, aware that you are plummeting toward earth because of the wind and the ground rising toward you, and being totally in that moment relishing that long, mesmerizing fall into love. 

It was an intense and amazing time in my life and I wanted it to last forever.  Of course, the honeymoon phase never lasts forever, but I do think we can learn a lot about shared intensity during that time in the relationship and we can draw on that knowledge to cultivate sustainable intimacy as the relationship matures. In this case however, our connection was perhaps too intense to be sustained.   I got a visceral reminder of those intense feeling when I ran into this woman at the grocery store last night.  I hadn't seen or spoken to her in a while, but there she was, putting fruit in her basket.  She said hey, I said hi, and then I went about my shopping.  As I reached for some romaine lettuce I put all my weight on one leg and realized it was shaking, I was breaking out in a cold sweat, and my heart was pounding.  Just that simple encounter with her in the produce section of our local grocers was, well, intense. 

As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, high intensity cannot be sustained over the long haul.....not in endurance racing and also not in relationships.  As in an Ironman Triathlon, the intensity in a relationship needs to be managed to go the distance.......if you want a partner for the rest of your life, the physical, emotional, and psychological intensity between you needs to be sustainable.  It's fine if there are dramatic spikes, but just like with my interval training sessions, there needs to be reduced levels for rest and recovery before the next rise.  Overall I think it is better to have steady day-in and day-out connection with lower intensity than big spikes and dips, which can be leave both people excited but also let down. Sometimes the dips can be so low that they are effectively negative intensity.  The greater the highs and lows, the more likely couples are to burn-out in my opinion.

My relationship with that woman ended when she stopped feeling in love. She admitted that she still cared about me, that she loved me, but she didn't feel that intense in-love way any more.  For her that meant the relationship was over.  Obviously I may be over-simplifying as I'm certain there were other factors at play, but for reasons known only to her, she couldn't feel the intensity anymore, and didn't know how, or wasn't willing, to figure out how to recreate it in a manner and at a level that was sustainable for us.  So she gave up on us and on the life we had built together.

I have a friend who does business in India.  He works with some people there who are highly educated, many of them in our universities, and recently they were discussing the topic of falling in love.  India remains a caste society and these folks were from the more well-to-do part of that culture.  Despite their affluence and western education, they nevertheless are very traditional in some ways, which is to say that they still submit to arranged marriages.  That's right, these modern Indian men and women trust their parents to pick partners that are good matches for them and then they get married.  The husband and wife usually don't know each other, and they most certainly are not in love, but they enter into marriage trusting that their mate is right for them and are open to developing respect for each other, becoming friends, starting a family, and ultimately moving toward love and intimacy that will hopefully sustain them for the rest of their lives.  To these Indians our notion of falling in love and then getting married is backwards, making us a slave to emotion and biology in our selection process.

Now I am not advocating arranged marriage and I certainly would not have been willing to trust my parents to find a suitable mate for me.  I don't know the statistics, if there are any, on how these marriages survive, relative happiness levels, divorce rates, abuse rates, frequency of affairs, or any other measures.

However, I am intrigued by the idea of turning away from the intoxicating immediate attraction, the intense connection that we feel when we say we're falling in love, and moving instead toward being friends with safe, emotionally aware, interesting women where biology and psychology are not driving the development of the relationship.  For me it would be a paradigm shift from intensity and attraction to something that moves along more slowly, at a pace, if you will, that can be sustained through the years, where the relationship can progress, as both people mature, to ever deeper levels of connection and intimacy.

I don't claim that I know how to do this, or that it feels natural. But therein may lie clues for my personal growth and lessons for me about how to better select a mate capable of a more permanent and satisfying connection to one another.  I had to learn lessons as a triathlete about building durability and managing my output in order to go longer and get faster; maybe it's time for me to make the same commitment to setting aside my weakness for physical attraction and my sprinters tendencies with regard to emotional involvement, to focus instead on sustainable relationships, and begin pacing my heart and soul for love that can last a lifetime.

Aspiration and Inspiration

I started today with a swim at The Edge in South Burlington.  They have a nice 8 lane, 25-yard pool that I favor over others in the area, partly because it has windows on the east side of the pool and when the sun comes up and shines into the water it always makes me feel good.  I'm a regular at this pool, which means that I know most of the other regulars who swim there.  This morning I met a guy who've I seen there frequently over the last couple of years.  I didn't know his name and we've never spoken, but he's in fantastic shape and swims hard; when he's in the water you know he's there because the energy level is definitely higher.

As we chatted today he mentioned that the pool seemed busier than normal, that there seemed to be some folks congregating to train for a triathlon.  Then he asked me if I was training for a triathlon.  I admitted that it's my sport and that I was getting ready for Ironman Lake Placid in July.  He thought that was pretty exciting and we talked about staying in shape as we get older, it turns out that we're about the same age. As we parted ways to head off to work he told me I was an inspiration to him.

Now I don't really think of myself as inspirational and that is certainly not something we hear much at work, at home, or most other places in this modern world.  I'm serious about triathlon - I have goals, train hard, and I make an effort to try to have fun while I'm doing it.  I aspire to improve, to go as fast as I possibly can, and I have a dream of racing at the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii.  Having aspirations and acting on them, committing to them, apparently may make you an inspiration to others.

I walked out of the gym this morning with a smile on my face, a bounce in my step, and the thought that it would be great if we all took the time to learn what each of us aspires to and then allowed ourselves to be inspired by those we see, meet, or interact with each day.

Einstein and what do I want to do when I grow up?

Someone sent this Albert Einstein quote to me today:

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."

I had been thinking about my situation……that is, where I am in my life personally, professionally, financially, and emotionally…..and contemplating whether it’s time to make some changes.  I don’t mean small changes like where I buy my espresso each morning or what I do on my day off from work, which to be sure can still make a big difference, but of more transformative actions like moving to another part of the country, embarking on a journey of spiritual rebirth, or changing careers. The quote added a new perspective to my ponderings.

The reality is that I have been where I am for a long time.  I mean that literally and figuratively, in that I’ve been living in Vermont for 22 years and have been in Chittenden County for 19 of those years.  My daughters have grown up here, left to go to college elsewhere, and returned to do their post-graduate work in Vermont.  I have had the opportunity to work for several interesting companies in Vermont, have gotten divorced here, learned to rock climb and kayak, and even fell head-over-heels in love again  four years ago, something I had stopped believing was possible.

Recently the relationship that developed from that love came to an abrupt end.  I won’t say much about it here except than she wasn’t who I thought she was, she didn’t value me or the relationship as much as she had led me to believe, and her sneakiness and dishonesty at the end has left my heart shattered and my trust in my fellow human beings greatly reduced.  Right now I don’t know if I’ll be able to heal and try again or not.

I mention her because Burlington is not a very big area and it is impossible not to see each other from time to time, in passing on the road, at the market, or walking on Church Street.  I have never been very good at letting go, accepting endings, and moving on.  For some people it seems to be easier, but for me it’s a massive undertaking……it makes the 140.6 mile long Lake Placid Ironman that I’m preparing for seem like a short walk on the beach at sunset.

I saw her this last Saturday for the first time since she told me she didn’t love me anymore and could I please move out of her home that day? I hadn't heard from her at all....no calls, no texts, no e-mails, nothing.....she never even said good-bye.  It's like we never existed and without closure I am like a drowning man without a life preserver. I've been trying to rebuild my life, to create new connections and find some solace wherever I can.  And, I have been toying with the idea of fleeing the area to avoid just this kind of thing. Seeing her on Saturday renewed my desire to be somewhere, anywhere else, where I could be spared such encounters.

The thing is, I love Vermont.  It’s a beautiful place and I take more than my fair share of peace, joy, and fun from living and working and training here.  A part of me doesn’t want to change, doesn’t want to give up what I have here.  But then I think of what Albert Einstein said and I wonder if I need to keep moving to keep my balance (or re-establish it).  Maybe it is time to try a new job, to go to a new place, to be open to new friends, experiences, and opportunities.

I feel like a kid thinking about how to answer when someone asks them what they want to be when they grow up.  I don't know.....the answers aren’t entirely clear at this point, but at least I can be grateful that I have the freedom to consider my options and hopefully the courage to face whatever I decide.

Believe

It's amazing what the human body can do when we don't let our mind hold us a back.

Last weekend I ran a 10K race in Shelburne, Vermont with my daughter Nicole.  She had never done a 10K race before, having been a sprinter on the track team in high school.  Needless to say, she carried a little trepidation into the race, peppering me with questions about how fast to go, should she carry a drink, what was the course like.  We started together, but I run faster than she does, so I didn't see her until we made the turnaround on the out and back course.  She looked good, chugging along with her headphones on.   I crossed the finish line, congratulated a couple of guys that finished before and right behind me, then jogged back along the course to meet her and pace her to the finish line.

I had to go a little farther than I expected to find her, maybe a mile, when she finally appeared, moving well but looking tired.  She strided out and finished at just over 47 minutes.  This, it turns out, was good enough to win her age group.  What a big smile when the race organizer called her name to accept her prize.  I am very proud of Nicole and when she runs the Vermont City Marathon in just about 7 weeks, I'll be there at that finish line cheering her next accomplishment and marvelling at what we can do when we put our doubts behind us and just go.

How did I do?  Well, I ran the fastest 10K of my life and won my age division as well.  I'm not sure I fully comprehend how that was possible, as each year I am getting older and conventional wisdom says I should not be getting faster.  Nor am I training to get faster; in fact, I am training to go longer as I prepare to compete in my first full distance Ironman at Lake Placid in July.  I showed up last Sunday to run a good 10K, to test my fitness, and to maybe knock a few seconds off of my personal best, which is just under 42 minutes. I didn't think, I didn't plan, I just ran, finishing in 38:03.  The course may have been a little short, but I still greatly surpassed my expectations, proving that the body, even a 48 year old one, is an amazing thing.

This weekend I went for my first long outdoor bike ride.  I met three others at On The Rise Bakery in Richmond and we road US Route 2 all the way to Northfield.  It was sunny and beautiful, although fairly cold and a little windy (both ways, oddly enough!).  On the way out I was getting uncomfortable, my neck hurt, the two other guys were hammering and the woman Amy, who's a pro bike racer, was staying with them, while I was having to work harder than planned just to keep up.  Doubts periodically flushed through my mind....."I'm not in as good shape as I thought, I don't know if I'll be able to keep this up for 70 miles, let alone 112 miles in my Ironman". 

Eventually we made it to Northfield and turned back.  We made a pitstop in Montpelier and then headed for Richmond.  A few miles down the road one of the hammerers went off the back and I didn't see him again until I was changing into my running gear (yes, I ran off the bike when we got back to Richmond).  We were headed into a brisk wind on the way back with each of us taking turns at the front, pulling, then dropping back and drafting as the next person in line took a turn breaking the wind.  Soon Amy said she was bonking and couldn't pull anymore.  I told her to tuck in and John and I pulled the rest of the way back. 

My neck still hurt some, but not as much as on the way out.  My legs were tired, but I still had reserves to do the job at hand.  By the time I finished my run I was feeling tired, but not exhausted.  It was the fatigue in a body that did what it was supposed to, despite the less than encouraging messages in my head.  I followed yesterday's workouts with a long run today and I refused to let my mind distract my body from moving through 15 miles at a strong pace.  I just kept saying you can do this.

I still have a long way to go to be ready to race at Lake Placid, but this weekend encouraged me that I will get there, that I will get to the finish line, and maybe even get to race a little.