I train year-round and have lived here a long time. I enjoy exploring and finding new places to run and bike, but I also have some standard routes and I use them a lot. Some people would say that it's boring to run or bike the same roads over and over, but I disagree. Today was a perfect example, going out Dorset Street from my condo, a path I follow so regularly that I have probably left significant amounts of tread from running shoes on the recreation path asphalt.
But the interesting thing about this morning that got me thinking about writing this post is that the run didn't seem the same because the weather had my attention. And most of the time when I running my familiar routes or riding my favorite loops, the conditions vary so much that each session is a unique experience in and of itself. I run in winter and there is snow falling around me as I pass by the Cider Mill on Dorset, the houses behind lit up and looking as if they're inside a snow globe. In the Spring I head out the door before sunrise and watch the light change as the sun comes up over the Green Mountains, the clouds above the Cider Mill streaked with pink, orange, and platinum. On a warm summer evening as I ride past Dorset Park I can hear the sounds of the kids on the playground and the Little Leaguers enjoying themselves on the baseball diamond. On a clear Fall night there are a million stars in the sky, or a full moon rising over Camel's Hump, as it did this last weekend, huge and round, and glowing as it climbs past ridge line and a smattering of clouds.
I'm trying to make a point here by illustrating that my feet and bike tires literally know every inch of some of the local roads that I cover during my training.....Dorset Street, Spear Street, Hinesburg Road, Shelburne Farms, the Burlington Bike Path.......but I never tire of covering this ground because every time I go out, even though I have memorized the route, there's always something unique about that session in terms of the weather, the light, the sounds, the temperature, not to mention how I feel and what the state is in my inner environment.
For those of you who know me and my writing, you know that I'm headed somewhere with this and that we're about to depart from triathlon training and make a metaphorical leap into something more personal. In this case it's how we view our partner, our boyfriend or girlfriend, our husband or wife, after we've been with them for awhile......long enough to sometimes take each other for granted.
Life has a way of wearing us down , and when we're in a relationship for a long time, especially when we live day in and day out with another person, it can be like always running the same routes. If we just focus on the ground in front of us, it may look like it always does and we may find ourselves bored or ambivalent, annoyed or oblivious; we tune out, in effect missing the uniqueness of each encounter, the differences that surround us if only we allow ourselves to perceive them.
When it comes to making relationships last I don't know anything.......well, maybe that isn't completely true, but I don't really have any conclusive evidence that I have the knowledge and tools to go the distance. Nevertheless, I write from the heart and my currently broken one is of the opinion that all too often we don't get up each day when we're in a relationship and really look at our partner with eyes wide open to the uniqueness, beauty, warmness, intelligence, kindness, talents, and gifts that they possess. As with runs that cross the same weathered patch of concrete every time we go that way, where that well-known spot looks different due to light, time of day, or season, so too can our partner, ostensibly so familiar, in fact possess ephemeral beauty in the light of a second more studied gaze.
Nowhere is this more true than in the bedroom. It is my opinion that all too often we fail to take the time to really see and experience the beauty and sensuality of each other when we give ourselves to the relationship in that most intimate way. I know from my own experiences that it's easier at the beginning of the relationship when everything is new, glowing, perfect. During the honeymoon phase we take the time to immerse ourselves, to give unconditionally, to enjoy every touch, curve, taste, and view of our lover. But I think that as time goes on and normal life takes over, we let this aspect of our relationship go, or at least go dormant. In my mind this is a sad state......it's natural to have the intensity decline over time, but in our busy lives where there is so much opportunity for distraction, stress, and other kinds of sensory overload, I believe many of us fail to appreciate and give homage to the person that we live with and have chosen to be intimate with........we make love hurriedly, without really seeing, without taking the time to explore, appreciate, please, and in the final analysis, love our partner. When we do this we are like the runner that cares only about running and doesn't look right or left, doesn't see what's around them in the moment, doesn't honor the experience.
These days I'm short on answers and long on thoughts, feelings, and questions. But I know this, just because the honeymoon is over doesn't mean that the caring, intimacy, sensuality, and love that were discovered during this time has to be lost. It's still there in the collective soul of the relationship and I encourage all of you in long term relationships to make it a point to encourage, explore and savor this aspect of your love. When you are with your partner, when you come together by candlelight, or over a glass of wine, when you feel romantic and have made the time to be together, in that moment pause....then open your eyes (and your soul) to them.
Trust me, it will pay unimaginable dividends.
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