Personal Ad

When I was single about a year ago I gave the personal ads a try in an attempt to jump start my social life.  Part of this experience is building a profile about yourself and what you're looking for.  These take many forms and can be quite entertaining, sad, and even scary. 

I didn't want my profile to be static, so I wrote different things for it and updated my pictures regularly.  One format that appealed to me when I read other people's profiles was the You-Me style.  In this form one describes what they desire, hope to find, value in their ideal mate (the YOU section) and then tells about themselves in similiar or complementary terms. 

At that time in my life I was filled with conviction about what I was looking for and what I had to offer.  Add to that the fact that I am a writer, and, well you get the picture.....I created a fairly long, intense, and judging from the feedback I got, interesting profile.  Here's it is for quick perusal:

YOU - lithe, sexy, sublime curves hidden sometimes, occasionally flaunted, intelligent, funny, easy going in daily life but with the underpinnings of drive, determination, and confidence. Eyes that open to your soul and eclipse everything else when I look into them. If you can't express your thoughts and feelings respectfully (and hear mine) then we probably wouldn't be good for each other. If you think discussing and working on our relationship is drama, or too much work, then I'm sure we wouldn't be good together. Trusted partner, kind and gentle friend, passionate and uninhibited lover, appreciator of created and natural beauty, believer in a fun and sensual life together, a life characterized by interdependence, supportiveness, connection, and self-awareness. We are not the same, we each have our strengths and our weaknesses, but in the most fundamental sense, we are equals and face each other with that appreciation. I desire a woman who embraces the femine, masculine, and human aspects of her nature, who enjoys a sexy dress and its effects on me, but who is able to make the shift to comfortable or practical depending on where we're going and what we're doing. She does not denigrate others to build herself up, and she sees life and our world in a million shades of vibrant color, not black and white.

ME - I am a sensual man who experiences life through direct interaction, where the subtleties of light, the variousness of sounds, the diversity of tastes, and the delight of touch call to me to immerse and share and experience. A physical man, lifetime athlete, I do more than just take care of myself, I strive to let my inner spirit soar, to perform at or beyond my abilities, to feel and enjoy the motion and power that come from learning, and training, and willing myself down the road, up the rock face, through the water. I crave the feeling of zen that I sometimes achieve with this world and my place in it as my muscles and breathing and senses all work in concert toward my goals. I would like someone to co-experience with, but if that is not possible I at least need someone who understands how I experience this world, my need to be active, and what those things are in life that bring me happiness on a physical level. A sentient intellectual, I feel things intensely and seek meaningful connection in my relationships. Superficial experiences are no problem, as long as the underlying nature of the relationship is based on soulful intimacy that both of us consciously nurture to maintain and act to deepen. I value actions over words, but I love words and writing. I like down time, relaxing time, sensual time, but I am not normally content to sit beside my lover staring at a screen without interaction, touch, sharing between us. Naps together to recover are a guilty but often indulged in pleasure. My inner growth is an important commitment to me and I set aside time for this, but I am happiest when I am close, connected, and sharing life with my best friend and lover. I believe in open and honest communication, prefer talking or writing to yelling, but much prefer animated expression of feelings to the coldness and divisiveness of the silent treatment. I would rather lose sleep to work things out, than go to bed with distance between us. I believe in the power of touch, the romance of massage, the pathway of giving each other pleasure to greater closeness, healing, and understanding. I believe more in maintaining connection through tough times than in reconnecting after periods of emotional estrangement. It sounds like a lot and it is, but that's me.

I think everything I wrote in that profile is still an accurate, if optimistic representation of what's important to me.  However, I've come a long way since then and been through a breakup that has set me back on my proverbial heels regarding trust of other human beings and what I hope to find in my next relationship if/when I'm ready to try again.  As of today it's pretty simple:

YOU - feel like you can't live without me and the choices you make in life deepen, broaden and perpetuate this commitment in our relationship;

ME - feel like I can't live without you and the way I live, the choices I make every day deepen, affirm and encourage this commitment in our relationship.

I mean really, is this too much to ask?